Part III Of A Three Part Series on Sex Abuse:

How to Heal from Sexual Abuse:

    Part I discussed why sexual abuse happens and Part II explored the many behavioral manifestations of sexual abuse, both in victims and perpetrators.  This final part explores ways to heal from sexual abuse, both as a victim and as an abuser.

   

“...this disease will not go away simply because one chooses for it to.”

One of the first step into healing from sexual abuse is the recognition that the effect of this disease will not go away simply because one chooses for it to. The suppression of this energy maybe successful in the short term, but in the long term its accumulated affects can cause serious, psychological, emotional and physical damage to oneself as well as to others.

    Once a person has decided to address this abuse, they are now on the long journey home, a journey of self discovery, of learning about oneself; one's motives, thought patterns and behavior manifestations. But most of all, a journey of empowerment; having the ability to control oneself, to choose between right and wrong and not to be driven by uncontrollable desires that have proven (time and time again) to be detrimental to oneself.

    So now we are on the voyage and its milestones can be different depending upon whether you fall into one of the three categories listed below.

1. A Directly Sexually Abused Victim

2. An Indirectly Sexually Abused Victim

3. An Abuser and A Victim/Abuser.

    For the sake of simplicity, I will define each above category and then outline the major themes (areas of growth) that need to be addressed for each one. There obviously, will be categories that have the same theme and I will ask the reader to refer back to a previous discussed theme if it had already been explored.

Category 1

The Directly Sexually Abused Victim

    Children who have been sexually molested or raped fall into this category.

“...it's not hard to go through life blaming the attacker...”

There is no need to go into great detail into the types of sexual molestation because this is common knowledge. What needs to be stressed is the abuse could have been a one-time situation, such as a sudden rape or it could have been over a period of years, where the sexual molestation grew to be more aggressive in nature or in violation, such as, first fondling and then eventually leading up to penetration. Or the molestation may have been constant in just a fondling of private parts etc...

Blame

    One of the major hurdles that people in this category face in their own process of healing is blame. Being a child and having someone sexually molest you, while you were defenseless, is a clear example of where blame should be placed; on the attacker of course. Everyone would agree that the young person was the victim and responsibility for the act belongs with the perpetrator. Because this is a common belief it's not hard to go through life blaming the attacker for the negative experiences that have occurred to the injured party as a result of this/these acts.

    Often times this culpability also extends to the parent who was suppose to be the protector and guardian of the child, so the kid as an adult not only blames the abuser but also in many cases the mother (who is normally viewed in the child’s mind as all powerful and who failed to protect the youngster.)

   

“Blame....dis-empowers the individual.”

Unfortunately, blame doesn’t work in a spiritual state of healing. It's a negative emotion, and in energy work negative energy will just generate more negative energy, thus be counter productive in the healing process.

    Blame also dis-empowers the individual. The individual goes outside themselves and assumes that their healing can take place if something happens to the perpetrator or the perpetrator does something. For example, an individual might feel they would be healed when the perpetrator is sent to jail, dies, some major harm befalls him/her or if the abuser admits their wrong doings and apologizes for their behavior to the victim. It puts all of the power in the hand of the abuser; only the suffering of the perpetrator or the perpetrator's remorsefulness will help alleviated the pain and suffering of the injured party.

   The reality is that no matter what happens to the person that the youngster (now an adult) blames, the individual never become well. True healing comes from within, not from without. Everyone has the power and ability to heal themselves, but taking responsibility for this healing is the way in which one can tap into this capacity. Taking responsibility is saying; “I know from this day forward my happiness is based upon what I do, say or don’t do and say.” My past affects me but I can change the affects of that past if I choose to. It is in my hands!” The process of healing is moving away from blame towards self-empowerment.

Forgiveness

    Another major obstacle that Victims face that is directly connected to blame is forgiveness. My first article that I published on this Website is about forgiveness, so I will not reiterated on this subject. You are encouraged to read this article! Click here  to read it. I will however say that it is a very important aspect of healing for all of categories mentioned above and is a must in this process.

Category 2

    In this category the victim experienced (by being present) sexual abuse in their early childhood environment, but was not physically molested. For example, the youngster saw various acts of sexual molestation of children by older persons but was not molested him/herself. However, the child absorbed the energy from these encounters within his/her body along with thoughts associated with them, thus the young person is an Indirectly Abused Child.

“...their choices and behaviors as adults are also dysfunctional.”

Avoidance/Awareness

    Unlike the Directly Sexually Abused, Indirectly Sexually Abused Victims aren’t aware of the connection between their own behavioral dysfunctions and the sexual abuse that they experienced, thus avoidance is their major obstacle. Too often these victims believe that they were spared, and thus not affected. But this perception is wrong. They too picked from the environment, incorporating into their bodies and their psychological make-up, dysfunctional energy and as a result their choices and behaviors as adults are also dysfunctional.

    It is true that their journey towards healing might not be as difficult as a Directly Abused child, but being able to realize and connect one’s current behavior to one's past experiences is necessary in the journey towards healing.

Category 3

Abuser & Victim/Abuser

    Abusers are sex abuse offenders who have had no known sexual abuse history. This group is rare, because most sex abuse offenders have had some sexual abusive behavior experiences, either directly or indirectly. To better explain this absence of experience(s) one can explore the idea of Karma that was discussed in Part I in this series. If you are interested click here .

    A Victim/Abuser is a person who had been sexually abused (directly or indirectly) as a child and then as an adult abused others. It’s believed that this group tends to be the most dysfunctional out of all of the categories and normally these victims/abusers find themselves behind bars.

Punishment

    In my private practice I have found that this group is the most difficult to heal, because of the tremendous need that they have in punishing themselves for the pain that they have caused others. As long as they were reacting to their emotions and allowing their lower selves to lead them they were unaware of the tremendous pain they were causing to  themselves and others. However, their life style of abuse to

“...we also face ourselves, which can be painful.”

others begins  to get to them and they find themselves in very dark places most of the time.

    As an individual journeys on the road to healing one becomes aware of the pain that he/she has caused oneself and others. It is a natural by product the work; as a person ventures into healing being aware of oneself and one’s deeds happens. It is like shedding a light on the darkness. Yes, we need the light, but we also face ourselves, which can be painful. For how can we change unless we know who we are? Unfortunately, Abusers & Victim/Abusers can get stuck here; they get stuck in the guilt.

    The individuals brave enough to come forward and seek help find that the culpability of their own deeds too much to bear and thus they can’t move forward. Not only do they suffer from the pain that was caused to them but now they have compounded this hurt by adding others onto this list. It's almost as if seeing yourself dirty and despairing over the dirtiness until you believe that you can not get clean. Your mind and body believe that the way to be rid of this dirt is by suffering and suffer then you do.

    Regrettably, spiritual healing is not about suffering. Yes, we do suffer for our deeds, otherwise would we want to change? But it is not suffering that heals, suffering moves us in the direction of

“...suffering moves us in the direction of healing...”

healing, pushing us towards the light, getting us to seek help, willing us to change, demanding that we change. But it doesn’t heal!

    Learning the Spiritual Laws and living by them heals. Learning to forgive, to love ourselves, to face our fears and to believe in ourselves. Learning that change is constant and healthy. Believing in the goodness of human kind and that love heals. Understanding that we are all connected and everyone is an extension of oneself. These are just a few of the Universal laws that we learn on this journey towards healing.

All Categories

    One of the major steps that is required in the process of healing is the journey backwards. This process can be the most difficult of all and yet so necessary. From a spiritual perspective, this voyage backwards is how we move forward.

    In spiritual healing there is no linear time. A spiritualist and client can venture back into time to heal wounds that were created. In my practice I will consciously go back with a client, asking the assistance of my guides and my crystals to help us move back into that space. We are like the guides shedding the light and the client goes back re-experiencing the events from a place of safety. I’m with the client and that creates a powerful base of comfort for the client to go back to that space and to

“...the client goes back re-experiencing the events from a place of safety.”

learn and understand from a spiritual perspective what has happen. Then to move past the encounter(s), letting it go out of the body, giving up the pain and suffering the experiences have caused.

    It requires trust and willingness on the part of the client and Love on the part of the Healer, but it is mandatory in the process. Sometimes this place and time can come from another lifetime experience, but there is no difference in what happens. The client will remember/recreate and then connect the experience to the here and now, thus learning, growing and healing from the past. Often times visions of the future will also be apart of the journey and the client will see the fruits of their labor as well.

    It’s a wonderful experience. It’s the work of The Divine empowering all of us to become whole; to find our true selves. To heal from our wounds that we have endured and inflicted upon others. It is the Blessing of this life.

Alicia

Alicia has a Masters in Developmental Psychology from Columbia University, a Masters of Education from Bank Street, is a Master's Level Reiki Therapist  and has been initiaed as a Native American Healer, with over twenty years experience studying and working with the developmental issues of children.  She works with Victims of abuse, abusers, adults and children.  If you would like a more in-depth bibliography on Alicia please click on the Link Who I Am.

     Alicia is located in Brooklyn, New York.  She is available for individual and couple sessions as well as for long distance healing sessions.  If you would like to contact her click here  or phone her at 1(718) 703-3086.

Copyright (C) 2005 - 2008 Alicia Boyd