The Deeper Meaning of Loneliness

The Deeper Meaning of Loneliness, by Alicia

For years, I have heard the age old discussion about being alone and feelings of loneliness. People have discussed so many variations, on this subject; what is the difference between being alone and loneliness and how to overcome these states of being.

And now here are my thoughts. Do forgive me if I reiterate what has been said, but hopefully I would add some wisdom to this paradox that so many people face daily in their lives.

Most individuals begin to contemplate this matter when they begin to experience strong negative feelings when they are physically alone by themselves. These emotional states can be depression, sadness, a feeling of missing something in one’s life, fear or just a condition of unwellness in the body. What these individuals find is that while, they are around others, lovers, spouses, family members, coworkers, friends etc. the above feelings go away (get depressed).

“...they... rationalized... “being by oneself” is what causes.... negative emotions...”

What they then rationalized is that “being by oneself” is what causes these negative emotions to surface and the name they put onto these states is “loneliness”. Thus to avoid this condition they move towards increasing methods (working more, hanging out more, spending more time with lovers, friends, engaging in escapist behaviors such as drinking, gambling, using drugs) that allow them not to be alone, believing, because of past experiences, that “being by oneself” is the culprit.

As a consequence these “lonely individuals” begin to develop codependency relationships with the methods (stated above) that they have chosen to avoid being alone. For example, a person can find themselves in love with a new partner, but every time the lover isn’t present the feelings of loneness may arise.

To avoid these feelings the person will then attempt to be with the lover more and more. Demanding more time and using what ever means is at their disposal to get more time. The individual begins to believe that they can’t be well without this lover and will then attempt to

do anything to keep the relationship, even allowing abuse to take root, along with developing the inability to leave the relationship.

“...even allowing abuse to take root...”

The more the codependency relationship deepens the more the person believes and experiences very negative emotional states when there is any attempt at breaking the relationship off.

Now I have just described to you the thoughts and behaviors of people experiencing loneliness when they are alone (which can eventually happen even when they are no longer physically alone). I will now describe to you what is happening in a deeper more clinical way.

What really happens to us when we are by ourselves is that we begin to get in touch with our deep selves. It is like being at home and having the TV on all day, with its constant chatter and noise distraction and then all of a sudden the TV breaks and silence descends. All of a sudden we can hear the subtle sounds of the refrigerator when it turns on an off, we can hear the creaking of the floor boards, we can hear the ticking of the clock. All of a sudden a whole new world of sounds that we have never heard before surrounds us, but it doesn’t entertain us or distract us it just makes us aware of its presence.

“We become aware of our deep ourselves.”

That is what happens when we are alone. We become aware of our deep ourselves. We begin to learn how unbalance we are and how emotional, spiritually and psychological ill we are. For some it is the moment that happens, before our bodies become ill with disease and sickness. In fact, it is a great moment in our own development. It is the moment that we can decide to be well or we can decide to continue developing and deepening our codependent relationships.

So the next time you experience loneness, take the time to ask yourself, where am I ill. What areas of my life have I been neglecting. What parts of my emotional and psychological being I need help with. Try to remember it is not the fact that you are alone that is the cause of your sadness. It is deeper than that! So go deeper. Ask Guidance for help. You know the old saying “Seek and You shall Find”.

Alicia

Alicia has a Masters in Developmental Psychology from Columbia University, a Masters of Education from Bank Street, is a Master's Level Reiki Therapist and has been initiated as a Native American Healer, with over twenty years experience studying and working with the developmental issues of children. She works with Victims of abuse, abusers, adults and children. If you would like a more in-depth bibliography on Alicia please click on the Link Who I Am.

Alicia is located in Brooklyn, New York. She is available for individual and couple sessions as well as for long distance healing sessions. If you would like to contact her click here .